"What is that?!?"

This morning I was unusually tired, and knew that this day held lots of high energy situations. Sunday school, worship, board meeting, delivery of Thanksgiving baskets, dinner with my junior high youth. I generally enjoy all of these things, but when I'm tired, they can become chores instead of ministry.

So, I did what any sane person would do. I found caffeine.

Normally I'm a Diet Coke junkie! I mean, a real junkie. I wake up and head for a Diet Coke. I eat lunch with a Diet Coke. I even end my day with a Diet Coke. But today, I needed more lead than a Diet Coke can offer. I reached for the Mountain Dew.

As I sat down at the table for lunch and our board meeting, I was asked, "Lory! What is that?!" It was my drink. My peel-paint-off-the-walls-yellow drink. And, so the conversation about my caffeine consumption began.

I admit it. I have an addiction to Diet Coke. It's not because it's diet. Really, it's not. I am one of those weird people who actually like the taste better. I've been drinking it since I was in the 3rd grade (except for a four year hiatus from all soda!). I like it. No, I may actually LOVE it.

So, I am enjoying this night (after putting in 9 hours of my 20 hours for the week today) with a Diet Coke. First one of the day.

Cheers!

I Love Apples!

Once in a while I find something I really, REALLY love. Some times the infatuation goes just as quickly as it comes. For example, toe socks. (Not that I wore any, EVER! But I do love socks...ask my parents about my Christmas list the last 20 years!) Other times, the desire for whatever object lasts and finds its way into the category of "I love that!" Or, maybe into the category of addiction.

And, I have decided that Honeycrisp Apples fit that category. They are sweet and a bit tart; filling, but just enough. That is, unless you add a big heaping spoon of Nutella on the plate as well. Apples are good for you. Nutella, not so much. Although, I would like to point out that Nutella does have hazelnuts (at least 50 per jar), skim milk and a touch of cocoa, even though the first ingredent is sugar.

The apples I get are huge. Right at a pound each! I can cut them into at least 20 pieces before devouring them with the sweet treat that provides some additional yummy-ness. There is way more than I need, even though apples are technically good for me. But, I love them. I love the taste. It's instant gratification for my tastebuds. I love the combination of the tart fruit and the sugary dip. Even writing about it has my mouth watering!

But, the reality is, I may love apples too much! Because they are huge, I eat way more than I should. I figure I should eat what's on my plate, and I put the whole thing on there. I don't stop until I finish it all. I love the satifaction of taking an empty plate back into the kitchen.

While that sounds good, at least to my mother, I end up feeling worse than I did before I started. I am miserable and regretting my decision to eat the entire thing, to take in the entire experience of savoring the most perfect fruit ever made. Yet, when the next day arrives, I forget the pain and misery as I remember the explosion of taste in my mouth. And so, I jump in again to eat an entire Honeycrisp apple with a big spoonful of Nutella.

I love apples. I love Nutella. I love them together, but I don't love the feeling after eating a full plate. The question is how I can enjoy their goodness without going overboard. We'll see if I can figure out the balance between the good gift of fruit and the poison of too much goodness.

If you really knew me....

Today I read a book called Permission to Speak Freely written by my friend, Anne Jackson. She shared essays about all the things we "can't" talk about in the church. Issues like: depression, abuse, lack of faith, sex, anger, etc. She candidly offers her faith journey full of highs and lows, pains and graces. A great read for those wounded by the church and for those who love the church.

Then, tonight I watched MTV's (I know, not my normal routine) show "If You Really Knew Me" featuring students at my alma mater, Paris High School. Students worked on breaking down barriers across ethnic, socioeconomic and gender lines. Several of the kids poured out years of hurts to other students who had no idea of the pain inside the "cool kid" or "jock."

After some group building activities they were asked to get into small groups of about six and finish the statement, "If you really knew me...." My heart broke as I listened to stories of abandonment, poor choices, harassment and ridicule. There is so much hurt, but none of them felt free to speak that hurt because they thought they were all alone! They realized they were not alone. Friendships were made and walls broken down, relationships restored because they opened up.

Where do you need to open up and share? What is inside you that needs to get out? How can we walk with you as you experience healing and wholeness through this confession of who you really are?

Let us know by completing the phrase: "If you really knew me......"

No clever title...

I don't have a clever title this time around, but that's okay.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I have done some things for the first time (see previous post). And, I have spent two weeks house sitting for my amazing pastor, Charlotte, and her wonderful husband, Jerry. I have watered tomatoes and spent time sitting outside. I rested well and read some books I've been "meaning to get to."

I also have been writing, journaling a good bit. Most of the things have been an outpouring of buried pain that surfaced while I sat out in the sun at their house. Lots of things have led to this. Grief, loss, and crazy brain chemicals, too. And, a life lived without expression of emotion.

I never cried as a kid. Never. I learned to not cry and actually had to relearn how to cry during college. I like to be seen as the strong, rational, logical, thinking, level headed one. In my mind, that has always meant being in control of my emotional expression...or lack thereof. I know a lot of people who are in this boat, many who are ministers. (Not that it makes a difference in this conversation.)

But I wonder if this is really a good way to live. John wrote in his gospel, that Jesus wept. He expressed emotion based on his genuine feelings about the situation, and it appears he did so without shame. He expressed joy and anger and frustration and hope. He knew how to get in touch with all of himself, not just his head or his work.

What would it look like for ministers, church leaders, me to be real with who we are and what we are experiencing? Would it help our congregations feel like they are welcomed? Would it mean we could find freedom in grace? Would it mean we could take of our masks?

Still working on discovering all of me,
Lory

New Experiences

The past two weeks have been filled with many new ministry experiences.

August 1st I was ordained to the gospel ministry at Trinity Baptist Church in Harker Heights, Texas. I am the first female they have ordained to ministry, but they are open to women in leadership as evidenced by the six women they have ordained as deacons in recent years. It was a wonderful experience and I am grateful for their trust in me to proclaim gospel to the world.

August 8th I preached for the first time at First Christian Church, Paris, Texas where I serve as Minister to Children and Youth. You can link to the sermon here. It was also my first time to preside over communion. It was a great experience, but a humbling one as well.

What grace that God allows us to be his voice to people in congregation! What grace that God allows us to offer up a reminder of the death of Christ! What grace that I am able to speak and offer grace to so many others!

Thanks be to God for grace.

Goals Checking In...

Okay. Once again, I am checking in on goals I set at the beginning of the year.


1. I've read around 25 books (or long articles) so far this year. I have another couple that I've started and four or five that I need to read and get back to where they belong.

2. Fail. Although, I have been hitting golf balls regularly now that I'm at home.

3. This is coming along. In fact, I spent some good, quality time with two dear friends in the last week.

4. Writing is not my greatest love, but I am always thinking that I should write. Hopefully more will come in the next few weeks.

5. Yes. I have a job, and while part-time, it is mor than I was making not working. And, I'm living with my parents for a while to help save money.

6. Yes. The City of Paris hosts several free events in the summer, including Movies in the Park. Tonight we are watching Karate Kid!

7. Haven't worked on this in a while, but my pastor, Charlotte Coyle, will being her D.Min. this fall, so I am eager to see her process and progress through the program. Super proud of her!!


I will check in on these in a few weeks, after I survive camp!

Grace.

What brings you to tears?

Not very often I stumble across something that can bring me to tears. I'm not one of those that cries at Hallmark greeting cards. However, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is one such thing. The stories are genuinely touching.

But, that is not the object of this post. This last Sunday afternoon I took a flying trip down to Central Texas to watch several students from my former church graduate. We were running late and I told the girls riding with me, "Well, we're going to miss the pledges and the national anthem." And, I told them I was sad about it. It is my favorite part of such ceremonies.

When we got there we realized they were running about five minutes late. So, we walked in just as they posted the colors. Non-military communities do not understand how significant and meaningful this part of any ceremony truly is. Then, the national anthem was announced.

I was standing at the entrance tunnel and could only see the HUGE flag hanging from the top of the Bell County Expo Center. I stood and watched as the Harker Heights High School band began to play.

Immediately I felt a shiver of awe and reverence and emotion throughout my entire body. My eyes began to well-up. I did not weep, but I also could not stop the response of it all. Every time I hear the national anthem I feel the same way. Grateful and humbled by the men and women who have given so much, even their lives, so I could stand and listen to or sing the words that embody our national freedom. It happens. Every. Single. Time.

As I reflected on this a bit in the last couple of days I was reminded of Bible study last week. We were talking about what it means to be community, to live out gospel. The words of my prayer (and my heart....at least some of the time) is "break my heart for things that break your heart, God." Then, as I thought about how a song can bring me to tears, I realized that my heart sometimes breaks for things that are not quite what I mean by that prayer.

Sometimes my heart breaks because of my own emotional baggage or current situation. Sometimes it isn't that my heart is breaking, but that my spirit is broken by my own sin and selfishness. --Now I realize that tears do not equal a broken heart, but often for me they are closely related.

So I ask, what brings you to tears? What causes you to well-up with emotion? What causes your heart to break? Is it something that breaks God's heart?


Grace and Peace.