No clever title...

I don't have a clever title this time around, but that's okay.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I have done some things for the first time (see previous post). And, I have spent two weeks house sitting for my amazing pastor, Charlotte, and her wonderful husband, Jerry. I have watered tomatoes and spent time sitting outside. I rested well and read some books I've been "meaning to get to."

I also have been writing, journaling a good bit. Most of the things have been an outpouring of buried pain that surfaced while I sat out in the sun at their house. Lots of things have led to this. Grief, loss, and crazy brain chemicals, too. And, a life lived without expression of emotion.

I never cried as a kid. Never. I learned to not cry and actually had to relearn how to cry during college. I like to be seen as the strong, rational, logical, thinking, level headed one. In my mind, that has always meant being in control of my emotional expression...or lack thereof. I know a lot of people who are in this boat, many who are ministers. (Not that it makes a difference in this conversation.)

But I wonder if this is really a good way to live. John wrote in his gospel, that Jesus wept. He expressed emotion based on his genuine feelings about the situation, and it appears he did so without shame. He expressed joy and anger and frustration and hope. He knew how to get in touch with all of himself, not just his head or his work.

What would it look like for ministers, church leaders, me to be real with who we are and what we are experiencing? Would it help our congregations feel like they are welcomed? Would it mean we could find freedom in grace? Would it mean we could take of our masks?

Still working on discovering all of me,
Lory