Today I read a book called Permission to Speak Freely written by my friend, Anne Jackson. She shared essays about all the things we "can't" talk about in the church. Issues like: depression, abuse, lack of faith, sex, anger, etc. She candidly offers her faith journey full of highs and lows, pains and graces. A great read for those wounded by the church and for those who love the church.
Then, tonight I watched MTV's (I know, not my normal routine) show "If You Really Knew Me" featuring students at my alma mater, Paris High School. Students worked on breaking down barriers across ethnic, socioeconomic and gender lines. Several of the kids poured out years of hurts to other students who had no idea of the pain inside the "cool kid" or "jock."
After some group building activities they were asked to get into small groups of about six and finish the statement, "If you really knew me...." My heart broke as I listened to stories of abandonment, poor choices, harassment and ridicule. There is so much hurt, but none of them felt free to speak that hurt because they thought they were all alone! They realized they were not alone. Friendships were made and walls broken down, relationships restored because they opened up.
Where do you need to open up and share? What is inside you that needs to get out? How can we walk with you as you experience healing and wholeness through this confession of who you really are?
Let us know by completing the phrase: "If you really knew me......"
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
No clever title...
I don't have a clever title this time around, but that's okay.
It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I have done some things for the first time (see previous post). And, I have spent two weeks house sitting for my amazing pastor, Charlotte, and her wonderful husband, Jerry. I have watered tomatoes and spent time sitting outside. I rested well and read some books I've been "meaning to get to."
I also have been writing, journaling a good bit. Most of the things have been an outpouring of buried pain that surfaced while I sat out in the sun at their house. Lots of things have led to this. Grief, loss, and crazy brain chemicals, too. And, a life lived without expression of emotion.
I never cried as a kid. Never. I learned to not cry and actually had to relearn how to cry during college. I like to be seen as the strong, rational, logical, thinking, level headed one. In my mind, that has always meant being in control of my emotional expression...or lack thereof. I know a lot of people who are in this boat, many who are ministers. (Not that it makes a difference in this conversation.)
But I wonder if this is really a good way to live. John wrote in his gospel, that Jesus wept. He expressed emotion based on his genuine feelings about the situation, and it appears he did so without shame. He expressed joy and anger and frustration and hope. He knew how to get in touch with all of himself, not just his head or his work.
What would it look like for ministers, church leaders, me to be real with who we are and what we are experiencing? Would it help our congregations feel like they are welcomed? Would it mean we could find freedom in grace? Would it mean we could take of our masks?
Still working on discovering all of me,
Lory
It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I have done some things for the first time (see previous post). And, I have spent two weeks house sitting for my amazing pastor, Charlotte, and her wonderful husband, Jerry. I have watered tomatoes and spent time sitting outside. I rested well and read some books I've been "meaning to get to."
I also have been writing, journaling a good bit. Most of the things have been an outpouring of buried pain that surfaced while I sat out in the sun at their house. Lots of things have led to this. Grief, loss, and crazy brain chemicals, too. And, a life lived without expression of emotion.
I never cried as a kid. Never. I learned to not cry and actually had to relearn how to cry during college. I like to be seen as the strong, rational, logical, thinking, level headed one. In my mind, that has always meant being in control of my emotional expression...or lack thereof. I know a lot of people who are in this boat, many who are ministers. (Not that it makes a difference in this conversation.)
But I wonder if this is really a good way to live. John wrote in his gospel, that Jesus wept. He expressed emotion based on his genuine feelings about the situation, and it appears he did so without shame. He expressed joy and anger and frustration and hope. He knew how to get in touch with all of himself, not just his head or his work.
What would it look like for ministers, church leaders, me to be real with who we are and what we are experiencing? Would it help our congregations feel like they are welcomed? Would it mean we could find freedom in grace? Would it mean we could take of our masks?
Still working on discovering all of me,
Lory
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
New Experiences
The past two weeks have been filled with many new ministry experiences.
August 1st I was ordained to the gospel ministry at Trinity Baptist Church in Harker Heights, Texas. I am the first female they have ordained to ministry, but they are open to women in leadership as evidenced by the six women they have ordained as deacons in recent years. It was a wonderful experience and I am grateful for their trust in me to proclaim gospel to the world.
August 8th I preached for the first time at First Christian Church, Paris, Texas where I serve as Minister to Children and Youth. You can link to the sermon here. It was also my first time to preside over communion. It was a great experience, but a humbling one as well.
What grace that God allows us to be his voice to people in congregation! What grace that God allows us to offer up a reminder of the death of Christ! What grace that I am able to speak and offer grace to so many others!
Thanks be to God for grace.
August 1st I was ordained to the gospel ministry at Trinity Baptist Church in Harker Heights, Texas. I am the first female they have ordained to ministry, but they are open to women in leadership as evidenced by the six women they have ordained as deacons in recent years. It was a wonderful experience and I am grateful for their trust in me to proclaim gospel to the world.
August 8th I preached for the first time at First Christian Church, Paris, Texas where I serve as Minister to Children and Youth. You can link to the sermon here. It was also my first time to preside over communion. It was a great experience, but a humbling one as well.
What grace that God allows us to be his voice to people in congregation! What grace that God allows us to offer up a reminder of the death of Christ! What grace that I am able to speak and offer grace to so many others!
Thanks be to God for grace.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Goals Checking In...
Okay. Once again, I am checking in on goals I set at the beginning of the year.
1. I've read around 25 books (or long articles) so far this year. I have another couple that I've started and four or five that I need to read and get back to where they belong.
2. Fail. Although, I have been hitting golf balls regularly now that I'm at home.
3. This is coming along. In fact, I spent some good, quality time with two dear friends in the last week.
4. Writing is not my greatest love, but I am always thinking that I should write. Hopefully more will come in the next few weeks.
5. Yes. I have a job, and while part-time, it is mor than I was making not working. And, I'm living with my parents for a while to help save money.
6. Yes. The City of Paris hosts several free events in the summer, including Movies in the Park. Tonight we are watching Karate Kid!
7. Haven't worked on this in a while, but my pastor, Charlotte Coyle, will being her D.Min. this fall, so I am eager to see her process and progress through the program. Super proud of her!!
I will check in on these in a few weeks, after I survive camp!
Grace.
1. I've read around 25 books (or long articles) so far this year. I have another couple that I've started and four or five that I need to read and get back to where they belong.
2. Fail. Although, I have been hitting golf balls regularly now that I'm at home.
3. This is coming along. In fact, I spent some good, quality time with two dear friends in the last week.
4. Writing is not my greatest love, but I am always thinking that I should write. Hopefully more will come in the next few weeks.
5. Yes. I have a job, and while part-time, it is mor than I was making not working. And, I'm living with my parents for a while to help save money.
6. Yes. The City of Paris hosts several free events in the summer, including Movies in the Park. Tonight we are watching Karate Kid!
7. Haven't worked on this in a while, but my pastor, Charlotte Coyle, will being her D.Min. this fall, so I am eager to see her process and progress through the program. Super proud of her!!
I will check in on these in a few weeks, after I survive camp!
Grace.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
What brings you to tears?
Not very often I stumble across something that can bring me to tears. I'm not one of those that cries at Hallmark greeting cards. However, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is one such thing. The stories are genuinely touching.
But, that is not the object of this post. This last Sunday afternoon I took a flying trip down to Central Texas to watch several students from my former church graduate. We were running late and I told the girls riding with me, "Well, we're going to miss the pledges and the national anthem." And, I told them I was sad about it. It is my favorite part of such ceremonies.
When we got there we realized they were running about five minutes late. So, we walked in just as they posted the colors. Non-military communities do not understand how significant and meaningful this part of any ceremony truly is. Then, the national anthem was announced.
I was standing at the entrance tunnel and could only see the HUGE flag hanging from the top of the Bell County Expo Center. I stood and watched as the Harker Heights High School band began to play.
Immediately I felt a shiver of awe and reverence and emotion throughout my entire body. My eyes began to well-up. I did not weep, but I also could not stop the response of it all. Every time I hear the national anthem I feel the same way. Grateful and humbled by the men and women who have given so much, even their lives, so I could stand and listen to or sing the words that embody our national freedom. It happens. Every. Single. Time.
As I reflected on this a bit in the last couple of days I was reminded of Bible study last week. We were talking about what it means to be community, to live out gospel. The words of my prayer (and my heart....at least some of the time) is "break my heart for things that break your heart, God." Then, as I thought about how a song can bring me to tears, I realized that my heart sometimes breaks for things that are not quite what I mean by that prayer.
Sometimes my heart breaks because of my own emotional baggage or current situation. Sometimes it isn't that my heart is breaking, but that my spirit is broken by my own sin and selfishness. --Now I realize that tears do not equal a broken heart, but often for me they are closely related.
So I ask, what brings you to tears? What causes you to well-up with emotion? What causes your heart to break? Is it something that breaks God's heart?
Grace and Peace.
But, that is not the object of this post. This last Sunday afternoon I took a flying trip down to Central Texas to watch several students from my former church graduate. We were running late and I told the girls riding with me, "Well, we're going to miss the pledges and the national anthem." And, I told them I was sad about it. It is my favorite part of such ceremonies.
When we got there we realized they were running about five minutes late. So, we walked in just as they posted the colors. Non-military communities do not understand how significant and meaningful this part of any ceremony truly is. Then, the national anthem was announced.
I was standing at the entrance tunnel and could only see the HUGE flag hanging from the top of the Bell County Expo Center. I stood and watched as the Harker Heights High School band began to play.
Immediately I felt a shiver of awe and reverence and emotion throughout my entire body. My eyes began to well-up. I did not weep, but I also could not stop the response of it all. Every time I hear the national anthem I feel the same way. Grateful and humbled by the men and women who have given so much, even their lives, so I could stand and listen to or sing the words that embody our national freedom. It happens. Every. Single. Time.
As I reflected on this a bit in the last couple of days I was reminded of Bible study last week. We were talking about what it means to be community, to live out gospel. The words of my prayer (and my heart....at least some of the time) is "break my heart for things that break your heart, God." Then, as I thought about how a song can bring me to tears, I realized that my heart sometimes breaks for things that are not quite what I mean by that prayer.
Sometimes my heart breaks because of my own emotional baggage or current situation. Sometimes it isn't that my heart is breaking, but that my spirit is broken by my own sin and selfishness. --Now I realize that tears do not equal a broken heart, but often for me they are closely related.
So I ask, what brings you to tears? What causes you to well-up with emotion? What causes your heart to break? Is it something that breaks God's heart?
Grace and Peace.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Plan B--by Pete WIlson
I recently read Pete Wilson’s new book, Plan B. I have been looking forward to this book because of my admiration and appreciation for Pete and his ministry at Cross Point Church. He is a master communicator and leader in a thriving, growing congregation.
As he reflects on his own life journey and the journeys of people in his ministries, he answers the questions we often ask God. –Where are You? Why is this happening to me? Do You care? Can You hear me? How could this happen to us?—Wilson takes a look at what happens when God shows up in ways we don’t expect, or in ways we don’t understand.
I found myself reflecting on how God has moved in my own life through some amazing times and some rough times. I was able to process some events in new ways because I was able to look at the situation from a fresh perspective, thanks to Pete’s thought provoking questions and challenges. It has truly been helpful to my spiritual journey.
While I applaud his use of real life examples, from his own life and the lives of people in his congregation, I was a bit hesitant with his use of names. (That said, knowing a bit about Pete, I am positive he got permission for each story and name he used!) It just left me with an uneasy feeling, like I was spying on someone I had no business spying on. Again, that is my own reservation and not an accusation of wrongdoing!
I loved the study guide/questions at the end of the book. In fact, I could very easily use this book as a launching point for developing deep, meaningful community in a couple of my church’s small groups. It wouldn’t work for every group, but it has great potential for bringing about healing, growth and understanding for some.
I have been a long time fan of Pete Wilson, and his book, Plan B, only serves to encourage my desire to support him.
This book review is written as a part of the BookSneeze blogger program. I received a free copy of Plan B for the expressed purpose of reviewing it for my blog. I received no money or other compensation except the book, as noted.
As he reflects on his own life journey and the journeys of people in his ministries, he answers the questions we often ask God. –Where are You? Why is this happening to me? Do You care? Can You hear me? How could this happen to us?—Wilson takes a look at what happens when God shows up in ways we don’t expect, or in ways we don’t understand.
I found myself reflecting on how God has moved in my own life through some amazing times and some rough times. I was able to process some events in new ways because I was able to look at the situation from a fresh perspective, thanks to Pete’s thought provoking questions and challenges. It has truly been helpful to my spiritual journey.
While I applaud his use of real life examples, from his own life and the lives of people in his congregation, I was a bit hesitant with his use of names. (That said, knowing a bit about Pete, I am positive he got permission for each story and name he used!) It just left me with an uneasy feeling, like I was spying on someone I had no business spying on. Again, that is my own reservation and not an accusation of wrongdoing!
I loved the study guide/questions at the end of the book. In fact, I could very easily use this book as a launching point for developing deep, meaningful community in a couple of my church’s small groups. It wouldn’t work for every group, but it has great potential for bringing about healing, growth and understanding for some.
I have been a long time fan of Pete Wilson, and his book, Plan B, only serves to encourage my desire to support him.
This book review is written as a part of the BookSneeze blogger program. I received a free copy of Plan B for the expressed purpose of reviewing it for my blog. I received no money or other compensation except the book, as noted.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
New Beginnings...
Tomorrow I will spend my last night at Trinity Baptist Church in Harker Heights, Texas. I have been a member there for almost four years. In that time I have been honored to teach preschoolers, children and youth in various classes. I have spent time with a wonderful group of ladies on Tuesday afternoons. I have made friends that will always be near and dear to my heart.
I am leaving because I have a job! Starting Sunday, May 2nd I will officially be the Minister to Children and Youth at First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Paris, Texas. It is an opportunity to go home and minister in the place I grew up. It is a chance to serve alongside some incredible people. I am blessed to be headed in this direction.
And yet, while I am excited, I am also realizing that Central Texas has been home for more than nine years. I love this place. I love the diversity. I love the folks serving in our military. I love the scenery and culture here. I will miss it immensely.
So, as I look forward, I look back. I am grateful for my time here. I am excited about my time there. And as always, I am humbled to serve others in ministry.
I am leaving because I have a job! Starting Sunday, May 2nd I will officially be the Minister to Children and Youth at First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) in Paris, Texas. It is an opportunity to go home and minister in the place I grew up. It is a chance to serve alongside some incredible people. I am blessed to be headed in this direction.
And yet, while I am excited, I am also realizing that Central Texas has been home for more than nine years. I love this place. I love the diversity. I love the folks serving in our military. I love the scenery and culture here. I will miss it immensely.
So, as I look forward, I look back. I am grateful for my time here. I am excited about my time there. And as always, I am humbled to serve others in ministry.
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