If you don't slow down....

...your body will do it for you. Or at least, that's what I've learned in the last five months. While I don't want to sound like a broken record and I don't want to complain, it would be healthy for me to articulate where I've been and what I'm feeling about it.

During Holy Week in April I began experiencing severe pain in my lower abdomen. Excruciating, day stopping, stab-me-in-the-eye kind of pain. It didn't matter what I did, it just hurt.

I figured I was due for several different doctor's visits, so I made appointments. I had a sonogram done to check for cysts. Everything came back normal. But, I was still in pain. So, I went to my GP and had a CT done. Again, everything came back relatively normal. (There were a couple of non-important things that came up, but no worries there.)

So, my doctor prescribed me a medicine for colon spasms. While the medicine did help with the severity, but the frequency was worse than before. However, over the course of a couple of weeks, it finally started getting better.

Then, I went in for a follow up for that I was diagnosed with an upper respiratory infection. Got my beloved Z-pack and took it. And, it didn't help. It always works! Always! But not this time. So I went back and got a different antibiotic. I'm almost finished with this round and I'm still having some issues with my respiratory system. Still running a low grade fever several days a week. And, still without any energy at all.

I come home most every day and crash after work. I can run about 4-6 hours before I just flat run out of steam.

I am so frustrated. I really do think my doctor knows what he's doing and I know that all my tests have shown little that is helpful. I'm just tired of feeling bad all the time. It is beginning to wear on my spirit. Ministry is often very draining and in the last few weeks have proven that over and over. Between normal ministry and life drains, this has almost tipped the scales.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful pastor/boss/supervisor who understands and is supportive of me even when I'm so pathetic. She encourages me to rest when I need to and take time off when needed. It is so nice to have that level of understanding as I fight through this. Even in the midst of feeling bad and struggling to get the bare minimums done, I am so grateful for her leadership and support.